Thursday, April 12, 2012

Subchorionic Hematomatic Induced Stress Disorder

I didn't think there would be a venture in my life that would be more emotionally trying than infertility. That was supposed to be the depths of hell and everything else was going to be rainbows and unicorn farts.

But true to form my body has decided to take me down a new path that has proven to be more stressful than I could have imagined.

Subchorionic Hematoma

A pocket of blood located between my little buggers placenta and my uterus. This pocket of blood has caused me to bleed and or spot for most of my pregnancy. I have been off and on bed rest and in and out of sanity since my diagnosis on April 1st. No woman should have to experience this must less after battling years of infertility and IVF.

I know no one wants to hear the woe is me post from the now pregnant infertile but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It’s like experiencing the terror of a miscarriage over and over again.

We had an ultrasound yesterday and LB’s (little buggers) heart rate was 153 and measuring perfect. I had been preparing myself for days to get the awful news that this pregnancy had ended but instead I saw LB staring back at me. I'm pretty sure he said, "Still here Ma! Stop all that damn worrying!"(Being my child he will someday end up with a potty mouth. Not a trait I'm proud of but what can ya do.)

Every day is a battle. I wake up with raging morning sickness that continues throughout the day until bed. I'm petrified of vomiting because of the strain it will cause and most likely induce bleeding but I refuse to take anything for it because it's the only thing telling me LB is still growing. So I take deep breaths, gag, and drink ginger ale. Most of my coworkers and my boss already know about the pregnancy because I've had to take so many last minute days off. This in turn adds to my stress. Any woman who has suffered through telling people you are no longer pregnant knows the stress I speak of.

I fear that I'll have some sort of PTSD from all this. Subchorionic Hematomatic Induced Stress Disorder.

32 weeks 2 days.....

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Of Course....

Those of us that are part of the miscarriage club have done a particular search on that can only be described as a desparate attempt to retrieve a few stories chronicling a woman whom started to bleed at  such and such weeks pregnant. The story will read that she "bled more than should have been allowed to keep a pregnancy intact but I now have a happy 3 year old running around my computer".

Sunday marked my 5th search for said topic on

J and I only have one bathroom in our house and we were joking who was going to get to use it first. Really he was just teasing me because he knew I was on my way in there. In the end I won or should I say lost. I sat down and woosh. I instantly became lightheaded and screamed out to J what was happening. He replies with "C'mon babe. You know the Dr. said it was no big deal don't get worked up." J and blood is a pairing that will result in man hitting floor. I gathered myself up, exited the bathroom crying hysterically, and we left for the ER.

They brought me into a room right away and the Dr. showed up within minutes. About a half an hour later she did an exam and told me my cervix was slightly open and she was going to send me for an ultrasound. Meanwhile I had to explain 50 times how I was only 6 weeks and my LMP had nothing to do with it. I always forget that those medical professionals whom are not in the fertility field no jack shit about the fertility field.

I sat in the bed completely numb thinking about who I had to tell that I was no longer pregnant, how long I could take off work, how we were going to have to get J different health insurance, and how I didn't deserve to loose another baby.

The ultrasound tech came in to wheel me down to radiology.

U/S Tech- Is your bladder full? That way I can save you the transvaginal and I'll do the abdominal ultrasound.
Patty- I'm 6 weeks.
U/S Tech - 6 weeks?! My records say 12!
Patty- Shut up

I laid there cursing silently to Mr. Dildocam and how he insists on being a part of my shitty ass fertility journey. After 15 minutes the tech puts away Mr. Dildo and says"I'm not supposed to say anything but there's a heartbeat."


She wheels me back to our room and J is immediately relieved. I know better. A heart that beats today may not beat tomorrow. I needed facts from the U/S before I felt comfortable with anything. Shortly after we're discharged with all the reports to give to the RE the following morning. As soon as we get in the car I scan the reports for the following:

HCG = 14,065
Heart Rate = 109 bpm
Gestational Age = 6 weeks
Radiologist notes = Fetus measuring small and heartbeat low.


Enter Dr.

HCG = Normal Range
Heart Rate =  at 6 weeks should be 90-110bpm therefore Normal Range
Gestational Age = Right the hell on.

We're back in the game.

Monday morning all bleeding has stopped and we're off to the RE for u/s duex. This tech was not so gentle with Mr. Dildo and I about kicked her in the eye. Then she told me our little bugger has a heart rate of 110bpm and I offered to carry any of her future children. We met with the RE after and I've been diagnosed with a tiny weeny Subchorionic Hematoma. It measures so small that she only anticipates brown spotting occasionally if anything and hopes it will be even smaller at our next u/s Wednesday April 11th.

This is turning into a crazy ride. Only 34 more weeks.....