Of Course....

Those of us that are part of the miscarriage club have done a particular search on Goo.gle that can only be described as a desparate attempt to retrieve a few stories chronicling a woman whom started to bleed at  such and such weeks pregnant. The story will read that she "bled more than should have been allowed to keep a pregnancy intact but I now have a happy 3 year old running around my computer".

Sunday marked my 5th search for said topic on Goo.gle.

J and I only have one bathroom in our house and we were joking who was going to get to use it first. Really he was just teasing me because he knew I was on my way in there. In the end I won or should I say lost. I sat down and woosh. I instantly became lightheaded and screamed out to J what was happening. He replies with "C'mon babe. You know the Dr. said it was no big deal don't get worked up." J and blood is a pairing that will result in man hitting floor. I gathered myself up, exited the bathroom crying hysterically, and we left for the ER.

They brought me into a room right away and the Dr. showed up within minutes. About a half an hour later she did an exam and told me my cervix was slightly open and she was going to send me for an ultrasound. Meanwhile I had to explain 50 times how I was only 6 weeks and my LMP had nothing to do with it. I always forget that those medical professionals whom are not in the fertility field no jack shit about the fertility field.

I sat in the bed completely numb thinking about who I had to tell that I was no longer pregnant, how long I could take off work, how we were going to have to get J different health insurance, and how I didn't deserve to loose another baby.

The ultrasound tech came in to wheel me down to radiology.

U/S Tech- Is your bladder full? That way I can save you the transvaginal and I'll do the abdominal ultrasound.
Patty- I'm 6 weeks.
U/S Tech - 6 weeks?! My records say 12!
Patty- Shut up

I laid there cursing silently to Mr. Dildocam and how he insists on being a part of my shitty ass fertility journey. After 15 minutes the tech puts away Mr. Dildo and says"I'm not supposed to say anything but there's a heartbeat."

SAY WHAT NOW!?

She wheels me back to our room and J is immediately relieved. I know better. A heart that beats today may not beat tomorrow. I needed facts from the U/S before I felt comfortable with anything. Shortly after we're discharged with all the reports to give to the RE the following morning. As soon as we get in the car I scan the reports for the following:

HCG = 14,065
Heart Rate = 109 bpm
Gestational Age = 6 weeks
Radiologist notes = Fetus measuring small and heartbeat low.

Fuck.

Enter Dr. Goo.gle.

HCG = Normal Range
Heart Rate =  at 6 weeks should be 90-110bpm therefore Normal Range
Gestational Age = Right the hell on.

We're back in the game.

Monday morning all bleeding has stopped and we're off to the RE for u/s duex. This tech was not so gentle with Mr. Dildo and I about kicked her in the eye. Then she told me our little bugger has a heart rate of 110bpm and I offered to carry any of her future children. We met with the RE after and I've been diagnosed with a tiny weeny Subchorionic Hematoma. It measures so small that she only anticipates brown spotting occasionally if anything and hopes it will be even smaller at our next u/s Wednesday April 11th.

This is turning into a crazy ride. Only 34 more weeks.....