I didn't think there would be a venture in my life that would be more emotionally trying than infertility. That was supposed to be the depths of hell and everything else was going to be rainbows and unicorn farts.
But true to form my body has decided to take me down a new path that has proven to be more stressful than I could have imagined.
A pocket of blood located between my little buggers placenta and my uterus. This pocket of blood has caused me to bleed and or spot for most of my pregnancy. I have been off and on bed rest and in and out of sanity since my diagnosis on April 1st. No woman should have to experience this must less after battling years of infertility and IVF.
I know no one wants to hear the woe is me post from the now pregnant infertile but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It’s like experiencing the terror of a miscarriage over and over again.
We had an ultrasound yesterday and LB’s (little buggers) heart rate was 153 and measuring perfect. I had been preparing myself for days to get the awful news that this pregnancy had ended but instead I saw LB staring back at me. I'm pretty sure he said, "Still here Ma! Stop all that damn worrying!"(Being my child he will someday end up with a potty mouth. Not a trait I'm proud of but what can ya do.)
Every day is a battle. I wake up with raging morning sickness that continues throughout the day until bed. I'm petrified of vomiting because of the strain it will cause and most likely induce bleeding but I refuse to take anything for it because it's the only thing telling me LB is still growing. So I take deep breaths, gag, and drink ginger ale. Most of my coworkers and my boss already know about the pregnancy because I've had to take so many last minute days off. This in turn adds to my stress. Any woman who has suffered through telling people you are no longer pregnant knows the stress I speak of.
I fear that I'll have some sort of PTSD from all this. Subchorionic Hematomatic Induced Stress Disorder.
32 weeks 2 days.....