Minor Freak Out

Since the positive beta with my less than stellar numbers I've been a little more than anxious. I check my undies like parent potty training a 2 year old. Just waiting to see some sort of sign that this is all a dream and have the hard cold hand of infertility slap me back to my barren reality.

Tuesday night's J plays in an old man hockey league. He also plays Sunday and Thursday and thinks he's in the NHL but that's beside the point. This past Tuesday was the final playoff game to win the championship. J's team was playing his cousins team so the whole family went down to watch. I'm cold all the time so sitting at the rink on a Tuesday night while old man skate around was not this girls top priority. At about 7:45 I took a break from reading Hun.ger Games (yes, I'm that girl) and went to bathroom too drain my bladder that was all too full because I couldn't put my book down. I did my usual TP check which consists of my putting the TP up to the light to check for spotting. I know it's crazy but I can't stop and this time it was there. Spotting. Light brown spotting mixed in with the progesterone gel.

Instantly I began sobbing and sweating. Wiped again and there was still a little brown on the TP. Pulling myself together I went back to the couch put my feet up and started the debate in my head if I should call the RE. For those of you out there thinking, "Why would you even question calling the RE?". After 4 miscarriages I know how that phone call goes. They can't stop a miscarriage and without blood work and ultrasound they have no idea what is going on and going back to my thinking everyone judges me issue I imagine them talking down to me and I couldn't handle that. I think it over for another few minutes realizing that if J were home he would make me call the RE no matter what my excuses were. So I put a call in through their answering service and the RE calls back about 40 minutes later. Thankfully she was very sweet and said all the right things. Well, they were all things I had heard before but she said they would see me right away the next morning for blood work and move up my ultrasound.

The spotting stopped shortly after and there was never any cramping so I felt a little less anxious but my mind kept wandering back to those crappy beta numbers. I was mentally preparing myself to have Wednesday's call back. Where nurse fertile would say unfortunately your numbers are too low to sustain pregnancy at this stage. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Nurse Fertile called back around 1:30 to tell us that my numbers were 4000+. Per my usual emotional breakdowns my ears blocked out the rest of her ramblings. Beta base had already been stalked and I had calculated 2200 keeping me in the viable range so 4000+ definitely made me feel better. Of course we're still not out of the woods. I had a small amount of spotting today when I wiped but seems to have resolved again. Please let it just be from the progesterone gel.
The ultrasound has been moved up to Monday April1st. Just realizing now that's April fool’s Day and that's all I have to say about that little gem.


Keep us in your prayers Monday.