Shell Shocked

Yesterday was our post-op, aka WTF, appointment with Dr.T. From the report there were no genetic abnormalities with the twins.

This was definitely a HUGE relief to us. It was also frustrating because we have no reason as to why they didn't make it. Dr. T seems to think there was some kind of "damage" to them when they were thawed.

What does that mean?

The embryologist was tossing our little blasts around in the lab like they were raisinettes?

Somewhere in there between no genetic issues and thyroid levels she threw in that they were boys.

They were boys.

The twin boys that I have imagined all my life came and went without me ever meeting them. That shook me. I just sat there shell shocked after that. My only other contribution from then on was ridiculous bobble head impressions every 10 seconds or so to make sure she knew I was still sitting there.

I didn't anticipate this piece of information. I'm not sure why. I knew they were able to tell but I didn't think she'd share said information. I bawled my eyes out the hour ride home.

But even with this news there was still no definitive answer as to why we lost them. Which leaves us waiting for CD1 so I can schedule an HSG. Oh what fun! Nothing like getting an incredibly painful procedure after your D&C.

Dr.T wants be sure there isn't any retained tissue that will affect conception in the future. I'm bitching about it because it hurts but I can definitely see the reason behind it and I’m thankful she's doing it.

Once we get the all clear from the HSG we'll be waiting on CD1 part deux to start meds for an FET. No new plans for the FET. Pretty much what we had in place before I realized I was indeed preggo. We're transferring 3 blasts, adding acupuncture, and closely monitoring my thyroid.

3 blasts....

Never really sounded like a lot until I typed it here. Hmm...Maybe I’ll call Dr.T back on that one.

 I'm sure we won't end up with 3 because our snow babies don't tend to tolerate the thaw but I’m not sure I'm comfortable with that number. Not because I’m afraid to have 3 babies, I would love that like this fat kid loves cake, but because I don't want to make my pregnancy even more high risk than it already is and risk losing 3 babies just because I was becoming impatient with the lovely world of ART.

Don't get me wrong with almost 2 years of IF treatments under our belts I am legitimately impatient but I will never be willing to risk my baby’s health. I'm also about done with losses.
Just throwing that into the universe.

Dear Universe,

I've reached my limit for miscarriages so please be kind and stop sending them my way. Actually, how about you do away with such nonsense all together. K? THANKS!!
Love,
Patty

Please keep a fellow blogger in your warm thoughts, vibes, and prayers. She just recently found out her little bean no longer had a heartbeat. She and her husband have been fighting the good fight for 4 years and deserved that baby more than anything. Give her some love here .