Well Hello 2012

I surprisingly feel peaceful with the impending New Year. Debbie Downer seems to have flown the coop.

It started with a good ole fashion 'Spring Cleaning'....in December.

Yesterday I spent 5 hours finally cleaning out what once was our storage room and getting it ready for what will one day be the nursery. To tell you the truth it was the strangest yet most motivating feeling. I could finally picture where everything would go and allowed myself to realize that one day it WILL actually be there. Not to say that motivation plays any part in IVF. It's not like I have to run marathons or train. I just have to become a vomiting pin cushion and pray nature follows suit. That fickle bitch has yet to do so but I have a feeling she's ready to get with the program.

We have our WTF appointment Thursday. I'm on the fence of relief to get things moving again and fear about what Dr. T may tell us. I've made my peace with the fact that we may very well have to move to donor eggs. But knowing my mood swings I could be crying in the fetal position come 12:30 Thursday.

I looked back at my HCG levels when we found out we were pregnant back in '09 and my levels were high then too. Not as crazy as last time but it makes me think that something is probably brewing genetically in there. Something not good.

I'm also afraid she'll have nothing new to tell us. No new plan. In which case, I will switch clinics. A lot went wrong when we lost the twins. My progesterone was low. My Thyroid took a nose dive and became nonexistent. I got a NEGATIVE MUTHA F'ING beta!! (Sorry a little early in the a.m. for such profanity)

Not sure how to move on from here so I'm just going to change the subject.

This year I’m actually going to have a New Year's resolution. I have never participated in this cliché. Mostly because I never really had anything I wanted to quit or change. Trust me people this is not me trying to play Miss Perfect, It's me not giving a rat's ass about my imperfections.  But come hell or high water I am going to lose this god awful weight I have gained from almost 2 years of fertility treatments! I already started, lost 5lbs and would like to lose 10 more.

To embarrass hold myself accountable for this goal I’m going to put the weight loss ticker on here. I always felt it a little TMI but now I get it.

So here goes nothing! Let's lose 15lbs and gain it all back in baby weight!!

PS. I would love to hear any stories or advice you guys may have about donor eggs.
PPS. How much, if any, weight have you all gained in IF treatments??