Green With Hope

Yesterday was a looooong excruciating 24 hrs. It actually started Monday night when the intense anxiety set in. I know big shocker.

When I had my appt with Dr. T she took a look at how many ice Bros we still had. She must have went through the info10 times and  kept writing things down to keep track which made me think she wasn't entirely sure what the hell we had. Her conclusion was 4 day3 embryos and 2 day5 blasts. I didn't want to be that patient that says, "Are you sure that's what we have?"(que annoying patronizing voice) so I just let it go. Her plan was to culture out the day3 embryos to blast and transfer two blasts. Since our embabies tend to do the kiver between days 3 & 5 that will at least "use up" what we have. Well that appt was months ago and the anxiety about the number only came up in brief fleeting thoughts, that is until Monday night. My stomach was pissed, my head hurt, and my teeth were clenched so tight that I now have huge biceps on the side of my face.

Nurse Fertile said the clinic would call Tuesday with the thaw/fertilization report and give us a transfer time. Luckily, we're remodeling one of the rooms at work so I dove into gallons of paint and DIY projects to keep myself busy. But when the clinic still hadn't called at 3:00 I was getting uppity. I told myself that if there was an issue they would have called first thing in the a.m. and the delay was a good thing. By 3:30 my rationale had gone out the window and I was jumping in my car to make the phone call from home because I was convinced we had nothing to transfer and wasn't about to have a mental breakdown at work. After what felt like an hour drive (only 15mins) I pulled in my driveway and called the clinic. One of the nurses said that were just making the phone calls now with the times but she would see if it was in the computer. All of our other 154 transfers have been between the hours of 9am-1pm. Tomorrow's transfer.....5:00pm. Say what now?! About 30mins later another nurse called with that same time and my instructions.

I didn't have the courage to ask her what the Bros were looking like and how many we had to transfer. I've decided to get that information after I take my Vali.um. That way I can just smile and say, "Until next time Nurse Fertile!" while J and I skip out into that parking lot.

My biggest fear is that we get there and they say, "Well we hoped this wouldn't be the case but they didn't make it. We wanted to give you a late transfer time to give them more of a chance and then meet with your Dr."

Yes, I am completely aware how crazy that is. If I wasn't such chicken shit I would just ask what was going on but no, I can't do that either. That's too definitive. It's way easier to be ignorant.

 So tomorrow J and I are going take a walk with the pups to pass the time until the transfer. It's over an hour drive and I have to be there for 4:00 for my acupuncture so we'll be leaving a little before 3:00. Leaves a lot of thinking time, which is never good for Patty.

I've been told that green is the color of fertility so tomorrow J's sisters and myself will be doning green nails and clothes for fertile vibes.

Please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow. Hopefully our 3 years of bad luck has ended.